Virginity concept & Society
"Virginity" has gone through two main stages in the history of mankind: First, "intact virginity" representing purity and the current one, the idea of "losing virginity" as something extremely normal.
Before we talk about it, we must go into the subject of the concept of virginity.
I firmly believe that the concept of virginity was an invention of society itself. Why? simple, from ancient times society sees virginity as a passage from childhood to adulthood.
The truth is, losing your "virginity" feels like a big deal because you internalize the idea that it is a big deal, since that is what society has been telling you for years. Of itself, the concept of "virginity" bothers me.
In the past, "virginity" was more focused on women (nowadays it is somewhat more balanced.) "Virginity" represented purity which constructs a "good girl" paradigm. Female sexual purity was a selling point for marriage, something families sought to protect, consequently, women were encouraged or forced to put off their sexual debuts until marriage. The reality is that these circumstances have changed significantly and the need for female sexual purity has diminished. Before a "non-virgin woman" was not fit for marriage, resulting in the punishment of always being an spinster. Instead, man was eager to "lose his virginity" at early ages as a sign of masculinity, an act still intact.
We must take into account that the way in which society sees the "loss of virginity" in women and men is different.
Women are told that their first time should be special, or that they should wait for the right man (or husband) to have their first time. For women, being a "virgin" (in this century) it is a sign of failure because being a woman and not having sex means that you are not attractive to anyone (something that is obviously not true). Instead, men are constantly told that they are losers if they did not have sex at least once. For man, being a "virgin" is a sign of weakness. Having sex with many women is seen as something manly and purely characteristic of a "macho man", even young boys are expected to have sex for the first time before young girls.This is a matter of "masculinity."
The problem remains that society continues to see "virginity" as a sign of purity and innocence. When they say that someone "lost" their "virginity"... What exactly did that person lose? The purity and the inonocence? People do not lose anything, they just experience sex for the first time, and that is all. This is because the idea of having sex is linked to it is a normal activity but also linked to the idea of something impure and dirty. (As a result the slut-shaming exists nowadays.)
Of course, there are different cultures and religions that see "virginity" differently.That is another very complex subject that I will not concentrate on.
Before, "non-virgins" were condemned for losing that purity and innocence. At present, the "virgins" are condemned for not following the current sexual debauchery.
There is a mockery for those who have no sex or never had sex, and the feeling of not fitting anywhere becomes stronger.
In my adolescence, all my friends talked about her first time with a boy, while I was only minimize/pulled apart. I felt alone and misunderstood until I learned the term of asexuality.
I say this because I am asexual, I am that tiny 1% who is not interested in sex & sexual activity at all, and I live constantly with the pressure of being 23 and still a "virgin" because everyone points to me with the finger and asking: When will you make your sexual debut? Of course, I do not give a kawaii fuck about them.
For some people, their first time really is meaningful. But for others, it is just another moment in the course of their development.
It is extremely sad how there is a need of want to decide on the bodies and sexuality of people, no matter how the time pass and thoughts of those eras change.
Why does society sees "virginity" as something that has to be ridden of? If you are a "virgin", so what, you are not an automatic loser, or strange, or stupid. You are just not following the social norms of obsessing over sex. It is your decision, and you should not rush or be ashamed of it.
The same for those who are sexually active: do not be ashamed of anything. There is nothing wrong with not having sex as well as having sex with the f*ck you want.
There are those who condemn "virginity", such as atheists and modern feminists, and believe that promiscuity is synonymous with sexual freedom. This is a fallacy. By condemning "virginity", they discriminate against those who choose not to have sex by their own choice. "Virginity" should be condemned when it is oppressive, when it does not allow people to live their sexuality as they wish, when it is not by its own decision and it is by decision of others instead.
We must remember that promiscuity also has that oppressive role, because it condemns young people to have sex at an early age because they do not want to be discriminated and as a result they have sex without thinking about consecucies (sexual diseases, unwanted pregnancy/parenthood, etc.)
We must speak with young people/ adults and encourage them to talk about sex. Sex should stop being taboo. We must tell them that the decision to have or not to have sex is ok, and that the healthiest way of all this is to stop judging the desitions of others and make your own decision instead.
You feel completely good and safe having sex for the first time at 15, do it. But first, find out about what is really sex about, how to have safe sex, etc.
You are 20 and you still do not want to have sex, that is fine. Do not rush, maybe one day you want to have sex, or maybe not. No matter what others say, never but never have sex under pressure.