The God that I never felt.
I never believed in the presence of a poweful God who protects me and guides me to eternal peace.
I grew up in a Catholic family, something very common in Argentina because here the religion has an important role for the people, and well we could say that Argentina is almost extremely Catholic country.
I'm baptized and I have done the communion and confirmation. When I was a little kid I went often to the church and I even confessed myself to the priest.
But all was a lie.
I did those things not because I wanted to be close to God but because my parents somehow forced me be Catholic.
I was innocent and ignorant of many things, I believed that to be close to God and to not disappoint him I had to follow with certain rules.
Then I began to distance myself from the people and my company were the books, not God. I realized that I never really believed in a God, I did not feel him at my side no matter how much I tried to stand by his side.
Now my feelings about religion and God is just like....melancholy? I guess, of something that could have happened but never happened.
From all this I learned that the church is power and hypocrisy.
I have seen many people that showed me that within the church they are like saints but outside of it they are jealous and gossipy people, as if they had double personality.
They say 'God never punishes and always forgives' but they never forgive the different and they punish with hatred.
Is not your God kind and loves everyone equally? So Why for example do they hate homosexuals, those who think differently, or other cultures and religions? Why do they follow the words of the Bible but they don't feel their God? Or maybe is that God so unsympathetic?
The church and its faithful followers are intolerants even when we are in a century that is supposed to have advanced in many things. My problem is not really the religion itself, I don't judge anyone who is religious unless that person judges me by using their beliefs.
Over the years I have seen a very tiny minority of religious people who show tolerance and spread the real message of love.
Others says ´Love God and do not be afraid to approach Him´and I always think...Love to God? But how are they going to love God if first you don´t love other people without judging them?
Let's say God created humans. Every human being is different, each one lives his life as they can and each person thinks in many different ways. Humans, in spite of the mistakes they make, are unique in their kind. What sense does it make of we being all the same or having the same opinions? Wars have not been made by differences of opinion, wars have been done out of greed and selfishness because without problem a Palestinian and an Israeli could sit together and speak civilized.
These are just a few examples of why I´m not a believer and why I have moved away from religious beliefs, but in any case as a child I wasn´t aware of anything and I don´t remember being very devoted to my faith.
If there really is a God, I want to believe he will stay with me even if I have never felt him.